Confidant
by Alison Burns
Summary: Emily Prentiss has finally decided to unload her secret. But her confidant has secrets of his own. Will she be able to forgive herself when things go terribly, terribly wrong?
1. a secret revealed

Confidant

Chapter 1

"…and so, now, he's after me." Prentiss finishes speaking feeling as if she will never utter another word again. There was shuffling on the other end of the line and then the phone went dead.

She'd finally told someone. She'd finally unloaded her fear and made it someone else's.

Reid's reply still hung in the air around her. Untouchable, tasteless, undetectable in every way yet a hundred times more real than the coffee maker in front of her or the chair she has been sitting in for the last four hours. Even more real than the cold metal of the gun sitting in her lap. I'm coming Prentiss, I'm coming.

Coming to her house. Coming to sit with her so that she doesn't lose her mind in the darkness. Putting himself in danger for her.

Putting himself in danger because she isn't strong enough to last another night without sleep or human contact. Because she is weak. Her left arm lashes out sending a vase propped up on the edge of her kitchen table smashing to the floor. She doesn't more, doesn't jump, doesn't acknowledge. In her mind, it is already forgotten.

She shouldn't have told him. She should have told Hotch, Morgan, Garcia, anyone but him. Anyone but Reid. Because, sometimes, Reid could be stupidly loyal like a lap dog. Because he knew what it was like to have a secret you needed to let out and had to keep.

She also knows, without question, that he will not tell the others. Not if she asks him not to.

A knock at the door made her heart pound. She tries to force herself to breathe but it isn't working.

"Emily, Emily, it's me." Relief washes over her. Her voice starts working again and she quickly lowers the gun she hasn't realised, until now, that she raised.

"Just a moment!" She leaps up and, ignoring her shaking hands and stiff body, quickly undoes several locks and deadbolts securing the door. She opens it and feels no embarrassment when the sight of the lanky, dirty blonde profiler almost makes her cry. It takes a moment to register that he's wearing his FBI bullet proof vest and that his gun is in his hands outstretched. He blushes slightly as e sees her and puts it away struggling to shove it into his holster without breaking eye contact.

"Sorry, I wasn't…I-"

"You weren't sure what you'd find when you got here." He nods evidently relieved she understands. She does. She wants to laugh, wants to call him pretty boy and tell him in a loving way that in his hands a gun is dangerous to only one person, himself. Instead she motions him inside. They sit at either end of the kitchen table watching each other in silence. She can't help but profile him a little, even though she doesn't want to. She knows he is doing the same. The drumming of his fingers on the glass means he is tense, restless. That is understandable given the circumstances. What she doesn't like is the red eyes. It seems as if he's been sleeping as little as she has. A twinge of guilt twists her insides morphing them. She hasn't even asked how he is.

"You shouldn't have come – I shouldn't have told you."

"I think you should stay with me for the next little while." Prentis feels her whole body go cold. She opens her mouth to tell him he's crazy but he holds up his hands in protest. "You can't stay here Emily. You told me about the rose, who else could that have been? And you can't deny that by now he's probably done with France and in the city-"

"Reid, I can't let you-"

"I know what I'm doing, okay Emily? I even know what a statistical improbab-" he grimaces, "I even know the statistics. Now go pack what you need."

"No."

"Emily look around you. I've never seen anything you own out of place before." He gestures around himself where dirty dishes and the smashed vase meet his eyes. "You must not have slept in a week, at least you'd have a chance to rest."

"If anything happens-"

"If anything happens, you'll probably have my crappy shooting skills to blame." He fills in for her. A moment of silence occurs where something shifts in her. She feels herself breaking and there's nothing she can do about it.

"Alright, I'll be ready in five."

She is ready in three.

_Let me know what you think! I know not much has happened yet but I promise it will!_


	2. nightmare

As they pull into the driveway of his small detached house Reid has to marvel at how calm Prentiss is acting. The only things that betray she's terrified are the shivers that run up her spine at regular intervals and the fact that she refuses to let go of her gun which has been sitting in her lap the entire ride.

They have been silent since he pulled the car out of park because there is nothing to be said between them except to acknowledge the risk he is taking for her which is not necessary. They both know the risk, they both appreciate it.

He unlocks their front door and turns the handle. Besides, there are worse ways to die then helping a colleague, a friend. They'd been through so much together that anything less than what he is doing would feel like he is abandoning her. Yes, the BAU has lost members along the way. Elle, Gideon, and most recently J.J. but they are a family. It isn't just that, though. Helping Prentiss keeps him from thinking about – and dying, if it does happen, is better than – no, he isn't afraid.

Rubbing his throbbing temples with his hands and flicking the hallway light switch with his elbow Reid leads her into the living room.

"You can have my bed once I strip the sheets and replace them. I'll take the couch."

Prentiss stares straight through him for a moment as if she hasn't heard what he said while the hairs on Reid's arms stand on end. Then she plops down on the couch shaking her head.

"This is perfect, don't ask me to move." A smile appears on her lips, the first he's seen since he arrived at her apartment. The tension breaks and then they're on the floor falling over each other laughing. Later, as she falls asleep and her face relaxes, he finds himself wondering who could ever want to hurt her. He doesn't think there's any way he can sleep, numbers and statistics keep running circles in his head, so he sits for hours in the arm chair beside the couch watching and waiting. The darkness closing in, all-encompassing, around him. A gun sitting in his lap just as there had been one in Prentiss's earlier.

He awakens to the sound of screams interspersed with sobs and incoherent half sentences. His stomach plummets and his first instinct is to grab for his gun but something stops him. After a few seconds he realises Prentiss is just dreaming. The last words she says are "please, please don't." He misses the rest in his dash for the light but catches her final two words. "…he's innocent." Then his fingers are on the switch and he vanquishes the darkness which for hours has pressed itself in around them.

Prentiss sits bolt upright breathing hard. "Where am I?" Then she sets her eyes on Reid and she relaxes.

"You're at my house. Don't worry you're safe." He comes forward and sits at the edge of the couch by her feet. "You alright?"

"Yah I, just a dream."

"Doyle?" He tries to pose the question lightly but the weight of that one word, one name, is incredible. He can barely get it off his tongue. She nods.

"There was him and you and I and-" She stops suddenly her face turning white. "I'm sorry I woke you up."

"I shouldn't have been sleeping anyway. You want some coffee?" She shakes her head.

"We should sleep, or we'll be useless at the BAU tomorrow." Reid mind flicks back to his job for the first time since Prentiss called him. Usually he can't get the cases off his mind. The names, faces, dates. But right now, sitting next to Prentiss, it feels light years away. Another time, another world. Not his life any more. Never to be his again. "Reid."

"Yah?"

"What are the odds of us getting out of this alive?"

"Go back to bed Prentiss." His feet find the ground. He plunges them back into darkness and stumbles to his armchair falling into it. He doesn't fall asleep again the rest of the night. Prentiss does though, and soon her breathing slows her rest devoid this time of nightmares real or imaginary.

_Sorry about the length I promised it would be longer but this is all I have time to post at the moment! Let me know what you think and thanks to those who have reviewed already!_


	3. what a headache

As sun filters through the windows, growing ever stronger, Reid forces himself to vacate his chair and find a clock. The digital one over the stove reads 7:00 giving them two hours before they have to be at the BAU. He returns to the living room and gently shakes his guest awake.

"Emily, Emily." His protests are met with groans. Finally she opens her eyes

"7. You get ready, I'll get breakfast figured out." He turns away heading back for the kitchen.

"Reid." His body does an involuntary 180.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"It's nothing." Prentiss shifts uncomfortably from foot to foot for a moment, evidently wanting to say something more. Then she grabs her bag and heads for the bathroom the door closing shut behind her with a squeak.

Reid thinks the store bought muffin he's about to hand her as she walks into the kitchen will merit some kind of reprieve. The coffee he holds in his other hand is good at least. Instead she surprises him by accepting the muffin without comment and turning the coffee down. Reid raises his eyebrows.

"I should lay off. I've had way too much over the last few days and I'm jumpy enough as it is." He nods and sips his own. Half an hour later they're on their way to headquarters.

They arrive at the BAU with five minutes to spare. Reid goes to walk in the door when his world starts to spin. Instantly he knows what's coming. He stands to the side of the building door his head in his hands as the pain overwhelms him. He's vaguely aware of Prentiss beside him but then it's like somebody has run over his head with a bulldozer and his legs give out. His head feels too big for it's skull, like it's going to explode outward and end him. Then, slowly, it ebbs to a dull ache he can handle, the ache that's almost always there now, and he becomes aware of his body, of things around him, one by one. His toes, his legs, arms, torso, and finally his fingers which are wrapped around the bracelet he always wears. A voice rings through his head. 'I don't need it anymore, but you do.'

"Reid, Reid are you with me?" Prentiss's voice and hand on his shoulder pulls him the last of the way back to reality. He glances left to see her crouched beside him forehead creased.

"Where else would I be?" He gets himself off the ground, face red, and pushes past her striding into the conference room before she can ask the questions he knows are coming, before she can corner him. He settles into a chair, making sure to plant himself between Morgan and Hotch so that there's no empty seat next to him for Prentiss to steal. Morgan turns to him and Reid knows he hasn't missed his red cheeks and gasping breaths.

"Since when do you two get here together?"

"Since my car is toast, he gave me a ride." Reid can't help but feel grateful that one of them has kept their head enough to think up an excuse.

"Aright, can we get started my oh so pale ones? Who's up for some swimming in sunny California? Then again, you might want to skip the swimming part once you hear what's been turning up in the water…" Garcia passes an ipad to each of them and launches in, her newly blonde hair swinging from side to side as she walks around the room talking. Reid stares at his screen but doesn't here ninety percent of what she's saying.

The case they've been called in to work on is fairly typical. Three white men in their late twenties, all lanky and tall, have been discovered washed up on two different beaches in California. The signature of the unsub, a small cross cut in the palm of each of the victim's hand post mortem, and the fact that the last victim lived in neighbouring Nevada, are the reasons that lead the local police to call in the BAU. Since the last victim had only been missing three days when he was found on shore they don't have a lot of time and so they board the plane immediately.

As it takes off Morgan falls asleep lying across one of the couches. Seaver and Rossie are both sitting it chairs a game of chess spread out on the table between them. Hotch is reading a book, flipping the page ever of often and revealing as he does so a picture of Jack as his bookmark. Reid also holds a book in his hands but Emily can tell he isn't reading it. When He sets it down spine up and heads toward the bathroom she makes her move cornering him.

"Reid."

"I'm fine." He leans against the side of the cabin rubbing his eyes. A jolt of anger spirals through her.

"I told you everything." She hisses in his ear. "I told you everything so when you're ready to talk I'm here to listen, alright?" He stops rubbing his eyes and looks straight into hers.

"Maybe there's just nothing to talk about. Or maybe it's just none of your business, ever thought of that Emily?" He pushes the door to the bathroom open slamming it shut.

So what do you think? Thank you so much to everyone who has read and double thanks to those who have reviewed! This part is dedicated to Zannabanana for knowing more about Ried, and indeed criminal minds in general, than I would have ever thought possible. I hope I'm doing it justice and if I'm not I'm sure I'll hear about it =P . Press the button below…you know you want to…


	4. surprise

Chapter 4

The anger doesn't last long, and once it is gone embarrassment rises in him settling heavily on his chest. He shouldn't have yelled at her, shouldn't have lost it. But she can't know – she has more than enough on her mind without dealing with his problems.

When the team lands they're met by the leader of California Pd, a tall redhead man with bags under his eyes and his mouth is twisted in a grim line.

"We have another one," he informs Hotch.

"Do we have a primary crime scene?"

"Just secondary, like the others."

"Markings?"

"The same signature as the others. But we don't think that this victim's a local either."

"Nevada again?"

"It's possible."

"His timeline is escalating." Hotch murmurs to himself quietly enough that only Reid standing next to him catches it.

"Reid and Prentiss come back to the station with me. Morgan, Rossi, and Seaver check out the latest dumpsite. See if you can find anything forensics might have missed. Don't forget to keep Garcia updated."

Just like that, they're off.

The longer Reid stares at the map in front of him, pins pushed in at different points and angles, the fuzzier his vision becomes. He turns away to rub his eyes and as he pulls his hands away from them spots Prentiss standing near the door of the office they've commandeered a file in her hand.

"That the information on the latest victim?"

"Yah. I haven't looked at anything yet want to see?" Reid nods as Prentiss sets it down on the table and shuffles over to her. While she sits he stands beside her leaning on the wood table. She flips open the file exposing a picture of a smiling, older man. Recognition bubbles up inside him and spills over leaching colour from his cheeks, making him feel sick.

"Reid." He can't make his mouth work, can't make himself reply. "Reid, what's wrong?"

"It's my dad." He whispers as the familiar invisible pressure begins pushing in on all sides of his head.

Things move quickly after that, but for someone with an eidetic memory Reid remembers scarily little of it. He remembers feeling his legs give out and wondering, without really caring, if he's going to hit the floor. Then Prentiss is behind him, chair held out, ready – like she always is. Hotch shows up next and Reid can tell that he knows nothing. He has Prentiss to thank, again, when she pulls their boss to the side and tells him. After that the rest of the team shows up. Rossi and Seaver hang back but Morgan, after watching Reid through the glass of the door for a moment, pushes through a stream of officers and pops up in front of him.

"Hey pretty boy." His voice is quiet but sure, like he knows that whatever situation comes he can handle it, is in control. Reid's glad somebody is. "How yah feeling?" He's squatting in front of him now, hand on Reid's shoulder. Reid shrugs it off.

"I'll be fine." Morgan's studying him again. Reid realises he must see his white face and glazed eyes. Must know he has blanks in the last hour and 2 minutes since he found out that he can't account for.

"They want to do an interview you know."

"I figured. I'm the only living relative of any of the victims that hasn't been yet. We should get it over with, it might help."

Morgan shakes his head. "Not a chance. I'm telling them no interview until tomorrow and then I'm driving you back to the hotel myself." Reid only nods, unable to argue.

When his trembling hands fail, for a third time, fail to fit the key in the lock of his hotel room door Morgan pries it from his hands and opens it for him. He drops everything the moment he's over the threshold and sits down on the edge of the bed. He's vaguely aware of Morgan's concerned look but tries to ignore it. He doesn't need a pity party. In fact, he needs sleep. Once he's slept maybe, just maybe, he'll be able to process things again.

"I'm okay now Morgan, you can go." Morgan shuffles from foot to foot for a moment, standing in the doorway, clearly not wanting to leave.

" I can stay if you want. We could watch a movie, take your mind off things…"

Reid smiles. "Thanks, but I think I need to be alone right now. Think things through, you know?"

Morgan nods and turns away but Reid calls him back.

"Morgan."

"Ahuh?"

"Thanks." Morgan's face softens again.

"I'm here for you Reid, always. We all are."

_So what did you think? Let me know! Thanks again to zannabanana for giving me a wonderful idea I put a twist on to come up with this little segment. Thanks also as always to all my readers and reviewers!_


	5. more lovely surprises

Chapter 5

Reid can't sleep. The lights are off, he has his head on the scratchy hotel pillow, but the blissful oblivion he's waiting for won't come. The picture of his father's lifeless body so carefully documented, just another file, won't leave him. He'd probably make one of his rare calls to his mother but it's too late for that.

Of course, the permanent headache he's had since he found out doesn't help either. One particularly bad throb and he's on his feet. This is useless, he might as well get out of this room, might as well do something. He slips out of his pjs and into some clothes grabbing his room key off his bedside table. Out of habit he also grabs his phone ignoring the one missed call flashing on the screen. As the door closes behind him the last touch is to pull down the sun glasses sitting on his out over his eyes to combat the bright hallway lights.

He's not quite sure where his legs are taking him but he lets them lead. It doesn't really matter anyway. Soon enough he's at the counter of the hotel bar. He tries removing his sun glasses but when he does it's like someone has taken a match and lit the inside of his brain on fire. He winces and leaves them on as the bartender approaches.

"What'll it be?"

"Scotch, on the rocks." He pushes a bill across the table. The man disappears without another word and, for once, Reid's glad he doesn't have to talk. The drink appears in front of him and he reaches out with a shaky hand grabbing the glass by his fingertips. Gideon's words from long ago, after the Hankel case, play in his mind.

_"I'm struggling."_

_ "Well, anyone who had gone through what you've gone through recently would be."_

He's been thinking about that case a lot lately. He's not sure why, but the memories keep replaying in pockets and sparks. No logical pattern that he can see to what memories break through the wall he's built. He raises the glass to his lips and the liquid slides down his throat igniting fire in his stomach that helps counter the worse fire burning behind his eyelids. Reid sighs with relief and takes a second, longer sip feeling the headache start to recede even further. Third sip he's done with his first drink.

"Another?" Reid only nods pushing his empty glass and more money across the table. Like liquid gold. His phone, sitting on the counter in front of him, has four missed calls not and three messages. He should check it, should be responsible, but he can't make himself. To hell with being responsible.

Even so, when it starts vibrating again he picks it up almost automatically his fingers pressing talk for him.

"Hello?" He says fingering the edge of his refilled drink.

"Dr. Reid, it's Dr. Neil. We need to talk."

"Hang on a moment Dr." Reid grabs his glass and downs it feeling the comforting buzz warm his stomach and spread through his veins. His whole body feels lighter. "Alright, go ahead." He starts moving away from the counter walking towards some quieter leather chairs in the lobby.

"I know you wanted to know immediately if we had something but I'm not sure this is the best way to tell you. I'd rather you make an appointment and –"

A small giggle from Reid. "That bad huh?"

"Are you quite alright?"

"Oh, sure doctor Why wouldn't I be? My father's dead, I have a friend who won't keep her nose out of my business, and to top it aaaaaallllll off that same friend has a psycho after her and I have a headache so bad I live in my sunglasses which when I'm wearing them inside I've got to say makes me look like one of those weirdoes you cross the street to avoid." A pause. He doesn't want to stop, it feels so good to let everything come out. "Which is perfect, because I probably am one. Then again, I'm sure you'll be explaining the headaches soon enough for me. What about YOUUUU doctor? Is your life as wonderful as mine is right now?"

"Dr Reid, are you drunk?"

"So what if I am, I can afford to lose a few brain cells can't I? Now, doctor, I'd appreciate of you would do your job. Please do get on with the diagnosis."

"I'm really not comfortable with doing this over the phone–"

"Oh come now, what lovely treatments be in store for me?"

Another pause and Reid can tell, the bomb is coming. The only problem is, there's no underground shelters to hide in. "Dr. Reid, there isn't any."

Reid feels his stomach drop. "Excuse me?"

"We finished running the last of the tests. It's a brain tumour, I'm sorry."

"Can't we operate?" His fists clench. He hates that he already knows the answer.

"I'm sorry. It looks like it's too far along, too large. To try and operate will probably, it will probably leave you brain dead." Brain dead…no more facts, no more math or physics. No more profiles. No more Hotch, Morgan, Garcia, Rossi. No more Prentiss…no more him.

Quietly, whispering. "How long then?" This isn't real, it isn't happening. No answer from the other side of the line. His fist comes banging down on the armrest of the chair, he barely feels the pain. "Damn, how long?"

"We're not sure yet. Four months, maybe." Four… "With luck. I'm sorry, I wish I could tell you more but these things are unpredictable. We need to do a lot more testing, keep an eye on the tumour's progress."

"I understand."

"When's the soonest you can come in?"

"I…I'm on a case. I'll call you as soon as I get back."

"That's fine but Dr Re–"

"Goodbye." His finger hovers over the end button.

"Dr Reid!"

"Yes?"

"The kind of testing we're talking about is quite extensive. You're going to have to be here maybe two, three times a week. At least, for the next little while."

"I figured."

"Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?" Reid presses end and his cell phone slides to his lap. He understands.

Four months…

Four months until he'll have to say goodbye to Quantico and goodbye to his team. Four months until he will join his father in the ground. Will they burry them together? The idea's strangely appealing, strangely calming. Apart in life, but together in death. God, four months. It's no time at all…

And then he's back at the bar stool unable to make the lump in his throat disappear. He didn't think he was afraid of death. And he wasn't, not in the abstract sense. Now that he's got a timeline, now that he knows, now that it's concrete…

Who did he think he was kidding? He's terrified.

Half way through his third drink, done his fourth then fifth then sixth. What's that they always say about drinking away the pain...Spencer Reid isn't sure there's enough booze in the world to drink away all of his. Doesn't hurt to try though.

"I…I…I need another." He drags the last bit out slamming yet another bill down on the counter. A woman's hand, from behind him, reaches out and snatches it up.

"Hey!" He turns attempting to point a finger at the culprit and nearly falls off his stool. He clambers back onto it, looks up, and somewhere it registers that Prentiss is standing there, his bill in her hand.

"OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH. Hey Emily." He reaches his hand out palm upward. "Can I have it back?" He grabs his glass with his other hand and shakes the ice cubes raising his eyebrows. "They're getting lonely!" He adds in a singsong voice.

"Yah and they'll damn well stay that way you understand?"

"Yes ma'am." He grins and salutes her glass in hand and topples forward into her arms his glass smashing on the ground.

_A little bit longer this time, you're welcome =P. _


	6. confession

Chapter 6

Back in Reid's hotel room, when he's lying in bed his head back against the pillow looking lost, she can't take it any longer.

"Reid that's not like you." His head snaps forward.

"I…I do believe I have to disagree, Emily. I think it's exactly like me." His voice is grave now, devoid of all its previous lightness. "I'm good at escaping, if you didn't know. Last time I had something to escape from I became an addict." Prentiss winces.

"It wasn't your fault Reid, none of this is. You're too hard on yourself." He shakes his head back and forth violently.

"I'm not hard enough, Emily. That's the problem." Prentiss sits down on the side of the bed next to Reid. She's silent for the moment then slaps him hard across the face. Surprise etches itself in her face not his then it's gone and she goes on. "Give yourself a break, your father just died!"

"The funny thing is," Reid starts his voice quieter than she's ever heart it. "He left me and mum. He left me with a sick parent unfit to look after herself never mind a kind knowing full well what could happen. He didn't give a shit what happened to me so why should I give a shit what happened to him?"

"Because you're not him, Reid, and he's still your father." A single tear escapes his left eye. She watches as it slithers down his cheek and disappears.

"Emily, I'm scared."

"We'll find him. We'll catch the bastard who did this." A pause and a small smile. "but not if you drink on the clock, you know you can't do that. Besides, we need every one of those 187 IQ points." She starts to smile but stops, something is wrong. She knows it by the fact that all the blood has suddenly rushed from his face.

"What if it doesn't matter how much I drink." Confusion. "How much damage can it do in four months?" He's talking to himself now, whispering.

"Reid what are you talking about?" He turns away from her.

"Nothing, Emily. Absolutely nothing."

"Bullshit Reid." Her fingers are tensed into fists clutching the bed sheets. He nods slowly up and down.

"Fair enough. So now you know I'm bluffing, but can you guess my hand?"

"If you respected me I wouldn't have to I guess. I've told you everything. What's so terrible that you can't tell me? Maybe I can help."

A short laugh from him. "You already tried guilt, remember? On the plane."

Not while you're dunk. It's an awful though but she can't help it's coming. She has to know. Something inside him is ready to burst, raw and painful. If she doesn't find out now she might never.

"Emily if I thought you could help I'd tell you. But you can't, and with Doyle – "

"Screw Doyle!" She's on her feet now. "You can't hide it, Reid. Whatever this is it's killing you and it's not just your dad it's something else. It's not just a profiler to figure that much out." She stops, breathless, standing in front of him, her chest heaving.

"You're right." His voice is so quiet she had to strain to hear. "It is killing me. Emily, the doctor called me earlier. I, I've got a brain tumour."

A sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. "Oh god, when are they operating?" A look of incredulity crosses his face.

"You don't get it. You still don't understand do you? They can't operate, Emily, they found it too late."

No, no, no! This can't be happening! "How long until…" She can't make herself say it. The words won't come. This can't be happening.

"4 months." She feels cold spread through her veins, like she's been poisoned. "Emily." His voice is soft, vulnerable. "I'm not ready to die." Invisible hands squeeze at her heart." She watches as the wall inside him breaks and his whole face is stained with tears. The sobs come in dry, hard heaves as he tries to breathe. She wants to cry too, the lump in her throat is so big she wouldn't be surprised if she's having more trouble breathing than he is. Instead she wraps her arms around him holding tight, waiting as the young profiler cries himself to sleep.

_**So first off thank you to everyone who reviewed on the last chapter! I'm still not too sure how much I like this one but let me know what you think. If anyone's interested, check out my newest Criminal Minds fic. Deadly Games. **_


	7. we can do this together

Chapter 7

_**Sorry, I know it's been way too long and I feel awful! If any of you read my fic Deadly Games you know I've recently come back to my stories here so I'm hoping to pick up where I left off and to still do these stories and characters justice. I'm especially excited about this one because I pretty well have the end written and it promises to be a doozie… on that note I'm sorry again and here it goes.**_

Reid had such a bad headache when he woke the next morning that only one thought managed to make its way into his fuzzy brain. It was an important one though.

Oh god, he'd told her.

Shit, shit, shit! Now he'd have to deal with the sympathy. He'd get enough for his dad's murder.

God, he'd had one hell of a day.

Reid forces his eyes open. Emily's asleep in an arm chair in the corner of the room. She looks so peaceful, untroubled, and yet she has her own demons. Namely, one Ian Doyle.

4 months.

4 months and he won't even be able to protect her. He's so useless.

He nudges Emily awake. "We have to be down at police headquarters in half an hour."

Emily gives him a groggy half asleep smile then her eyes snap open. He can practically see the events from last night coming back to her. Then there it is, a flash of the sympathy he is so afraid of. He starts to pull away but as quick as the sympathy is there it vanishes and instead she's giving him a small smile.

"I'm with you, okay Reid? We'll get through this day by day."

He feels his insides warm. Day By day? He likes the sound of that. There are still lots of days left. They stay like that for a moment, each staring at the other, neither wanting to move. Neither wanting real life to invade. Finally Emily breaks the silence.

"When are you going to tell them Reid?" Panic rises in his chest.

"No! You can't tell them anything. I…" He takes a deep breath to steady himself and tries to push down the pain rising in his skull. God will it EVER go away? "I don't want to worry them."

"Reid, you know they're going to find out eventually. You can't hide this forever."

"Emily," he rubs his temples avoiding eye contact. "I need this job to keep me sane, do you understand? I don't want medical leave and I don't want to distract the team from cases. Please, just give me some time." He meets her eyes then and she nods slowly.

"Alright Reid, fine. But if I think at any point you not telling them during a case will put the rest of the team in danger then I will tell them. Fair?"

"Fair."

X X X X X X X X X X X

Twenty five minutes later they walk into the police station side by side.

Everyone else is already there. Reid shies away, standing just inside the doorway so it takes a moment before anyone notices he's even there. It takes several moments longer before he realises the whole team had stopped talking and is staring at him.

"How're you doing?" Morgan's voice drifts over from across the room.

Exhausted, beaten, ready to give up.

"I'm fine." Even to him it sounds like a lie. God, and he's trying to pull it off standing in a room full of profilers. Maybe the tumour has already started to mess with his brain...

He can't think about that now.

Emily shoots him another one of her small, supportive smiles. It's so quick he's sure none of the rest of the team notices. But he does, and he takes refuge in it.

_Day by day._

The team steps forward and then he's surrounded. He keeps his eyes trained on Emily's. "Reid, it's okay. No one would blame you if you're not alright." Morgan starts up again.

"Or if you need some time." Hotch steps in when Reid doesn't react "We can work this one without you, we promise we'll bring your father's murderer to justice."

Reid's head snaps up. "I said I'm fine." He's a little harsher than he meant to be. "It's not like he was even really a father to me, I barely knew the man."

"Reid–" whatever Hotch was going to say, he never gets to finish.

"Hotch I won't let emotions get in the way. I'll work it like any other case, I promise."

There's a moment of silence. "Alright, but the police still need to interview you first and I want a psych eval done as well. We'll get those out of the way today and you can start back on the case first thing tomorrow."

X X X X X X X X X X X

As soon as Reid walks out of the room for his police interview the others exchange glances. Most of them have seen this defensive Reid before. Usually it's when he has something to hide. The last time it got really bad…

Well the last time it got really bad he needed serious help.

Hotch saddles up beside Emily as the others start to get back to work. Emily can hear Morgan behind her on his phone asking his 'baby girl' to start to put together a geographic profile based on where the bodies had been found since Reid never finished it the day before.

"Is Reid alright?" Emily starts at the sound of Hotch's voice. She's been staring off into space.

"Reid's as well as he can be, considering the circumstances." Emily grimaces. She hates keeping this from the team. Then again, considering what she herself is keeping from them that's pretty hypocritical.

"Good. I just," Hotch pauses as if looking for the right words. "I couldn't help but notice him gravitating towards you. I wondered if there was anything he might have talked to you about. Maybe his relationship with his father?"

Good old Hotch, the profiler in him just never stopped. He didn't miss anything. Emily straightened up and looked him in the eye.

"Reid's just going through a hard time right now, I think he needs some space to get over the loss of his father. Speaking of, I've been going over what we know about the case in my head. The rest of the victims were in their late 20's but Reid's dad was a lot older than that. Something just doesn't seem right."

_**There it is, the next part. I know not a ton happened but let me know what you think =). I promise another chapter soon.**_


	8. one day at a time

Chapter 8

_** Here you are, I wanted to post this yesterday but a whopper of a headache and company got in the way, enjoy! **_

Reid sighs loudly and repeats himself for the 15th time.

"No, sorry, I haven't had any contact with my father since a case brought us together a few years ago."

"So you wouldn't know of anyone who might have had a vendetta against your father?" Reid should his head and tried to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

"No one."

"Right." His interviewer, a middle aged man whose black hair includes sizeable patches of grey, glances down at his sheet full of notes. "That's all, you're free to go now." Reid grabs his ever present satchel and slings it over his shoulder. He's just about out of there, almost free. "Dr. Reid." He holds in a groan and swivels back around. "I'm sorry for your loss."

Reid gives a curt nod. Everyone's sorry, really sorry. "Thank you." He holds the tears he feels threatening in, determined not to let them fall in front of someone he doesn't even know, and stalks out of the room. Leaning against the wall of an empty corridor of the police station he tries to shake the unshed tears but they stick to the back of his eyes and the lump in his throat doesn't appear to be going anywhere either.

"One day at a time." All of a sudden there she is, right next to him. Prentiss grabs his hand, squeezes once and lets go. The lump in his throat disappears.

"Thanks."

"Don't worry about it. I have to go, but are you going to be alright?"

"I'll be fine."

And he is. Prentiss leaves him and he heads toward his psych eval but he doesn't feel as weak or in over his head as he did a little while ago and his headache's gotten a little better. By the time he's sitting in a chair across from the woman completing his evaluation, a profiler in her own right, he feels in control enough to run circles around her. Or to, at the very least, convince her he's stable, not overly emotionally disturbed and certainly not anywhere close to having a nervous breakdown.

Major depressive episode, he reminds himself nodding to the blonde across from him as he sits down.

"So, you're here to talk to me about the death of my father." He speaks first getting right to the point. Avoidance, denial, he knows these are negative tendencies he can't afford to show if he wants to stay on the case.

And he had to stay on the case.

The young woman walking up the hallway flips her blonde locks out of her face and thinks hard. The young agent, Dr. Reid, seemed fine. He had been responsive and open about his relationship with his dad and he hadn't broken down at any point. In fact, he'd almost seemed to be in a good mood, friendly, though she could tell he was normally quite shy.

That right there, she thought, was what was bugging her. Dr. Reid seemed TOO fine, almost to the point of no longer acting like himself. She might have believed that his distant relationship with his father was the reason he was taking the loss so lightly but she had seen the dark circles under his eyes and knew that he hadn't slept at all the night before so it had to be bothering him. Or maybe there was something else?

She knocks on the door of the office the young man's team was using. A man with black hair, a smart suit, and intense eyes opens it. She can tell immediately that he's Agent Hotchner, the one Reid had told her was his boss and the leader of their team. She can tell because he simply oozes confidence. Standing beside him is a dark skinned agent who's a lot younger than Agent Hotchner and, she had to admit, pretty good looking. They're the only two in the room.

"Sir." She holds out her hand. "My name is Lia Alderson, I just completed a psych eval on one of your team mates." His eyebrows crease as he shakes her hand.

"SSA Hotchner, come in." She steps across the threshold and he closes the door behind her. "And?" She can hear the carefully concealed worry in his voice.

"Dr. Reid appears to be taking the loss of his father incredibly well." She watches Agent Hotchner let out a sigh of relief. "But there is still something bugging me about our interview. Your agent almost acted too fine, like he was anxious to assure me that nothing was wrong but that isn't normal. He's just lost his father, he should be grieving but that doesn't have to stop him from working as long as it doesn't interfere so why did he feel like he had to hide his emotions?"

Agent Hotchner sighs. "Ms. Alderson, this job means everything to Dr. Reid. He was probably just afraid that you would tell him he was still grieving too much to come back to the case."

"I certainly hope you're right. I've authorised him to come back to work but suggest you keep him under the direct supervision of another agent at all times." She turns, opens the door, and leaves shutting it behind her.

Because she doesn't turn back around, she misses the worried glance Hotch exchanges with Morgan.

_**Stick with me, I know not much has happened the last two parts but I have big plans for chapter 9 =). Thanks to those who reviewed!**_


	9. here we go again

Chapter 9

_** Hey everybody, thanks for sticking with me =) I want to make clear (because I haven't so far) this fic will have NO CHARACTER DEATHS! So with that putting your minds a rest off we go into the next instalment of our adventure, hope you like it!**_

When Reid wakes the morning after his interview and evaluation he's determined to prove that they made the right choice in letting him continue the case so he pushes his urge to sleep and the pounding in his head back and gets up. He's a little dizzy but that he ignores too and as he eats, gets dressed, and brushes his teeth it disappears.

He's about to grab his credentials off the side table next to his bed but before he can there's a knock at the door.

He opens it and there's Prentiss smiling at him. He pulls his lips into a smile of his own, grabs his credentials and gun, and then they go together toward the police station.

From the moment they arrive chaos reigns. Men and woman run back and forth while Prentiss and Reid pause for a moment and just look at one another. Reid voices what they're both thinking.

"There's been another murder." They pick up their pace heading to the conference room where Hotch and Rossi are standing. Hotch motions them over.

"Another body was just discovered They want us to be they first to look at it so nothing has been touched."

He's momentarily distracted as Seaver, followed closely by Morgan, burst through the doors.

"He's killed again Hotch?" Their leader nods seriously and Morgan's brow creases.

"Nothing's been disturbed by police this time. I want us all there, because an escalating timeline normally means devolution which means–"

"With any luck," Morgan finishes, "our unsub will have made a mistake."

XXXXXXXXXXX

The man obviously fit the victim profile. He was in his late 20's with light brown hair and Reid could see the x on the inside of his wrist.

"He can't have devolved that much, he stuck to his victim and signature," Reid notes. Morgan shakes his head.

"Yah, but something isn't right. The other victims showed obvious signs of having been in the water but this one doesn't and look," Morgan points at a line of seaweed indicating high tide. "The body's above the water line.

"So." Reid was struggling through one of his headaches. It had come on so suddenly and it was a bad one, really bad. He couldn't think, god he just wanted the pain to go away.

"So, it wasn't the water that left it here, it was the unsub." Hotch says while Morgan nods. "But why?" Prentiss questions watching Reid worriedly. He tries to tell her he's fine without actually saying it.

Rossi walks calmly around the body saying "It's a taunt, he's getting more confident, saying even if I leave everything laid out for, even if I give you all the answers, you aren't smart enough to find me."

Pain, so much worse than anything he'd felt before, shot through Reid's skull and he let out a strangled cry gripping the sides of his head in his hands.

"Reid!" Emily was the first to react. He tried to open his mouth but he couldn't get his body to respond. Instead his legs gave out and another round of pain, like liquid fire, hit him making everything fuzzy.

XXXXXXXXXXX

As Reid began to shake violently panic gripped Prentiss. This couldn't be happening, not yet, he had 4 months still! Distantly she could hear Hotch, ever in control, already on the line with 911.

"Reid!" Morgan has taken up her cries now. Reid is thrashing in the sand, shaking so hard. Morgan tries to hold him down so he can't hurt himself but it's not possible. Instead Reid kicks out hitting his kneeling body square in the chest and Rossi and Hotch jump forward wresting Morgan back.

"The ambulance is on it's way." Morgan struggles against their arms holding him back breathing hard.

"Please Hotch, I have to help him!" Morgan sounds close to tears.

"There's nothing you can do." Rossi is calm and collected. "Try and hold him down and he'll only hurt you." A new round of shakes hits Reid's body and he moans loudly.

"What's wrong with him?" Seaver's voice is small and her face is white. Prentiss just shoots her a mournful look, unable to stop the tears streaming down her own face. The unmistakable siren of an ambulance grows louder and louder and Reid's body finally falls limp to the ground, exhausted, as the perimedics pull up beside the beach.

The perimedics rush forward as one past them and towards Reid. The first to reach him checks his breathing then shouts to the others.

"Breathing shallow, heart rate fast. We need to keep his lungs open!" His partner runs up bringing with him a contraption that they fit over Reid's face before getting ready to lift him. "One, two, three." They lift as one and start to carry him over to the ambulance. The team follows in a daze, watching as their teammate is strapped to a stretcher. Hotch approaches a third emt with Prentiss right next to him.

"Do we know what happened?"

"Sir please stay back." The emt pauses to check Reid is strapped in right then turns back to Hotch. "It appears you team mate suffered a seizure."

"A seizure?" Hotch sounds confused, and Prentiss can tell he feel s like he's in some kind of bad dream.

"A seizure." The Parametic confirms. "Has he ever had one before–"

"Never–"

"Is there any reason for him to start having one now? Is he sick, does he have a family history?"

"Nothing." Hotch says at exactly the same time that Prentiss blurts out yes.

_**There you are, let me know what you think!**_


	10. the truth will set you free

_**Hi guys…*guilty face* I am SO sorry this chapter took as long as**__**it did uni started and things got kind of crazy so there it is my lame excuse but it's true. Thank you for all the love and reviews and reads and alerts =) you are WONDERFUL! The next part will hopefully not take as long but like I said I'm in school so I make no promises. Hope you like it, I'm a little unsure about this chapter…**_

Chapter 10

"What do you mean yes?" Hotch tears his eyes from the ambulance as they finish loading Reid in and sets his deadly gaze on Prentiss. If she didn't know him so well she wouldn't be able to spot the fear behind his intensity. As it is, she thinks it's best to just get it over with.

"Hotch, Reid's been getting these headaches. He went to get them checked out and the doctors, well they said it's a brain tumor." She looks fully at the emt as she says the last bit. "They can't operate, so they told him he only has around 4 months." The emt's face softens.

"We'll send it to the hospital in our report so they know when we get there. "

When she looks at him, Hotch's looks shocked, like he's been hit by a train or something. "Why didn't he tell us?"

"He just found out, I guess he needed some time."

"We're ready to go." One of the emts calls from inside the back of the ambulance. "Either of you riding with us?"

Prentiss looks at Hotch.

"Go on, we'll meet you there." She nods and climbs into the back then calls out to Hotch who has started to turn away.

"Promise you won't tell the others? Reid needs to be the one to do it." Hotch stops for a second then nods as the doors to the ambulance swing shut blocking out the world.

XXXXXXXXXXX

The ride to the hospital is, thankfully, uneventful but that doesn't stop Prentiss from feeling anxious and sick in the pit of her stomach. She keeps thinking Reid's going to open his eyes, smile at her, and say gotcha.

It won't happen, but she desperately wants it to. She's feeling nerves start to creep up on her more and more the longer his eyes stay closed and she has to force herself not to argue when they wheel him into the hospital and tell her to stay back.

She met the team in the waiting room but she can't calm down enough to sit so instead she paces. She tries to focus on the bad cup of coffee Morgan hands her, the sun streaming through the window, even the worry on her teammates faces. Anything but Hotch and the barely controlled panic in his eyes. Rather than being his usual unbreakable self he's split off from everyone and found himself a hard chair in the far corner of the waiting room.

She knows the fact that he can't help Reid is killing him. She wants to tell him she gets it, that it's easy to stay in control when you can make a difference but when something is out of your control all you want to do is hit something. To scream at the world till the rules change. She wants him to know how much she's thought about it, lying awake the last few nights. How a world without their slightly autistic, troubled, danger magnet of a genius doesn't make sense. Like someone suddenly proved the world is indeed flat rather than round (Reid would be the first one to debunk that, wouldn't he). She wants to go over to him, but before she can a tall young man in scrubs appears at the door.

"Mr. Reid?"

"Dr. Reid." Prentiss and Hotch correct at the same time, the latter hurrying closer from across the room.

"How is he?" Hotch's façade of control is back, even if it's a little shakey.

"He still hasn't woken so we're going to run an mri just to make sure there hasn't been any serious brain damage."

"Brain damage." Garcia squeaks.

"Yes, your friend had a seisure caused by the blockage of one or more bloodvessels in the brain temporarily cutting off blood flow which means–"

"I know what it means!" Garcia snapped, surprising everyone with the anger in her voice. "Is he going to be alright?"

"That's what we're trying to find oout mamn."The nurse turns even more serious. "He should be fine this time, but if the tumor's as bad as your friend," He gestures to Prentiss, "described chances are the seizures will get more frequent and more severe. Each time will take longer to recover, and his body and brain can only withstand so much–"

Shit. Emily feels panic rise in the pit of her stomach. This isn't how it's supposed happen, this isn't the way they're supposed to find out. She can't be the one to tell them, she can't.

"Tumor?" Morgan's face is white. "What the hell are you talking about? Reid doesn't have any tumor, he's fine!"

But she's going to have to be, because otherwise all hell is gonna break loose.

A buzzer goes off in the man's pocket and and he pulls out a small electronic device reading what's on the screen . He shoots Prentiss a sypathetic look. "I'm very sorry but I've just been paged it's an emergecy and I have to go." Without waiting for a response he turns on his heels and hurries out of the room. Rossi, Morgan, and Seaver turn to her their faces questioning while Hotch does the opposite and turns away.

He's distancing himself from the situation, the profiler in her says as it kicks in.

"Prentiss what's going on? Is Reid alright?" Rossi's voice is even, controlled. Somewherre in her it breaks a wall she didn't think anyone could touch.

They have to know.

"I'll tell you everything."

_**Good? Bad? Right side up upside down purple blue yes no maybe so? Let me know =P hey that rhimed ps I should have my first ever glee fic up by the end of today if any of you are interested I promise it won't be fluffy. What it will have is lots of Blaine and Kurt! =)**_


	11. waking up

Chapter 11

_I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa__  
_

Reid's whole body is so exhausted it hurts. Like every muscle he has tried to run a marathon all on its own. He can hear the beep beep of his heart monitor – wait, is he in a hospital?

He tries to prop himself up on the pillow behind him and only half succeeds opening his eyes and seeing a sleeping Prentiss sitting in the chair across from his bed as he does so. How long has she been there?

"Prentiss?" His voice is scratchy with disuse.

"Reid!" She jumps up and throws her arms around him causing his body to flaire up with pain and he cringes, something not lost on Prentiss who immediately pulls back. "I'm sorry!" Her voice is still groggy with sleep. She looks him over, frowning. "How are you feeling?"

"My head doesn't hurt if that's what you mean. It's about the only thing that doesn't though. Prentiss…I don't remember anything. We were examining the victim and then it all just goes blank." Inside he's starting to panic but he tries to keep his voice steady. His brain's never failed him before, why should it start now?

_Because you have a tumour, you idiot. _He shakes his head slightly to make the thought go away and wishes he hadn't when now there's two Prentiss's standing in front of him instead of one. He blinks several times, the last one holding his eyes shut longer, and eventually the double goes away. When he can finally concentrate he notices Prentiss is watching him, a look in her eyes he can't recall ever seeing there before.

"You had a seizure because of your tumour, the doctor said it's normal that you might not remember what happened just before. " Reid pales a little.

"You mean this could happen again?" He can't handle feeling like this, not again. Another thought crosses his mind almost as quickly. "How much do the others know?" As soon as he asks it he wishes hadn't because he can see the answer in her face. He leans back on the pillows propping him up and closes his eyes. "You told them." She touches his arm opening his eyes.

"I had to Reid. The doctor mentioned your tumour and then there were questions and I couldn't lie to them." Her eyes are open wide, begging forgiveness of him, and he knows he should be angry but he can't find the energy.

"It's okay, it's not your fault." There's another moment of silence.

"Can I get the rest of the team? They'd only let one of us in here at a time but they're waiting just outside." Reid nods slowly and watches as Prentiss disappears out of his hospital room leaving him alone. The last thing he wants to do is face them right now. To have to deal with the questions and looks. Most of all, he doesn't want to have to deal with their sadness, because honestly he'd do anything not to be the cause of it.

Morgan comes through the door first quickly followed by Hotch and then they're all there. Lastly, Garcia pokes her head through the door.

"How's my Junior G-Man?" Her voice waivers but she gets the nickname out.

"I've been better. I feel like a truck ran me over." They're all crowding around him now and he can't tell them to back off, to give him space, but he wants to. God does he want to. "What are you doing here Garcia? I thought you were still back at Quantico."

She smiles at him but the effect is lost because of her red-rimmed eyes. "You didn't think I could stay away from you did ya hansom? Why do you think Morgan calls you pretty boy?"

"It 's true kid," Morgan's smiling and all of a sudden Reid gets a lump in his throat. He doesn't want to leave them. All he wants to do is stay stuck in this moment forever.

Hotch, who till this point as been standing quietly in the corner watching the rest of the team, steps forward. "Reid you know we're here for you." Reid's ears start to ring.

"I don't want to talk about it Hotch, alright? I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys but this is my problem to deal with, alright?" He doesn't mean to sound as snappy as he does but he can't help it. This isn't something he can deal with right now, it just isn't.

"Reid," Prentiss starts but whatever she's about to say fades into nothingness when the same man who talked to them earlier, the one in scrubs, comes to the door or the hospital room.

"Oh good Dr. Reid, you're awake. If you feel able, I have the results of your MRI and I'd like to speak with you privately."

Reid's mouth suddenly felt dry. "Anything you need to tell me you can say in front of them." He looks over at his team. "No more secrets."

_Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos. ~Charles M. Schulz_

_**Hi guys. Sorry this part is short hopefully I'll give you another update soon it's just school has been crazy busy. Believe it or not we're actually getting close to the end of this story and I have most of the end written so updates should come much faster (and also be much more action packed i promise Ian Doyle isn't done with this story yet, he hasn't gotten his say and he's just jumping at the bit). Thanks as always to those who reviewed the last chapter I love you all and your reviews make my day =). Cheers! **_


	12. home sweet home

Chapter 12

_**So here we go. This and the next chapter are probably going to be up within about an hour of each other because the climax of the story is finally about to show itself and it's taken on a life of its own. I love each and every one of you who read and/or reviewed you make my life and I hope you enjoy the next couple chapters. Without further ado (because I'm seriously excited to see what you think) off we go!**_

"_Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning." –Albert Einstein_

Reid tries to slow his pounding heart enough that he can hear the man over it. Prentiss has grabbed his right hand but he can't make himself look her in the eye so instead he stares at the wall opposite him, trying to ignore all the concerned looks being sent his way.

"Go on, what is it?" He prompts after a moment of silence. The doctor steps forward.

"When we reviewed your MRI we found that you have been misdiagnosed. "Reid felt his heart leap.

"You mean I don't have a tumor?"

"Oh no, you have a tumor." Reid's confused and unsure now.

"But I thought you said–"

"I did. You have a tumor but after consulting with your doctor back in Quantico, we believe, if we act quick, they should be able to treat it."

Reid feels the shock paralyse him. He wants to speak but somehow he can't do it.

"We've booked a consultation with them tomorrow so you know what to expect, if you feel well enough to fly home." Reid manages to nod. "Good," the doctor smiles, "then I'll work on getting you discharged as soon as possible." He leaves the hospital room without another word and Reid turns his gaze slowly to the rest of the team. Garcia breaks the silence first, launching herself across the room and wrapping him in his second painful hug of the morning.

"My baby boy's gonna be alright!" Tears are streaming down her face but she looks happy. Her words seem to break an invisible wall and then they were all there crowded around him.

Reid was just so glad that after everything he might not have to leave them.

He still might have to, but it was by no means a certainty any longer and right in that moment, as he caught Hotch's eyes through the chaos of his teammates, that was enough.

When he finally manages to look at the woman whose hand he has yet to let go of he realises Garcia isn't the only one crying.

Words aren't enough, so instead he meets her eyes and squeezes her hand as hard as he can. Then, he turns to Morgan and grins.

"Guess you aren't getting rid of me as easily as you thought."

XXXXXXXXXXX

The okay for him to leave the hospital comes a few hours later and not long after that he's being hustled into a last minute seat on a flight back home. The rest of the team is staying, unable to ignore the fact that they have a case to solve and lives to save, but Prentiss sits in the seat beside him her carry on shoved underneath the seat in front of her.

The engine of the plane starts to rumble as they as they inch toward the runway and take off.

"You didn't have to do this you know." He's leaning back his eyes closed as he fights off the beginnings of another headache.

"I'm an ambassadors daughter, remember. Taking a flight economy class is a treat."

"You'd be safer here where Doyle can't find you."

"How about you let me deal with him, you have enough to worry about." Reid sighs, keeping his eyes shut.

"Fine, but you aren't going back to your apartment; you have to keep staying with me."

"Why? So I can cater to your every whim when you're having one of your headaches." She's trying to make light of everything but he isn't about to let her so instead he forces his eyes open.

"You're staying with me so that I know you're as safe as you can be. Em, if anything happened to you…"

"I'm going to be fine Reid." There's an edge to her voice and her fists are clenched. "We're going to be fine. Doyle's not getting near us, and if he does I'll take him down. Understood?"

The plane leaves the ground.

"Understood." He doesn't doubt for a moment that she can do it.

XXXXXXXXXXX

By the time they pile out of the taxi they took from the airport both of them are exhausted and it's dark out. Hauling their bags inside Reid locks the door behind them.

"Home sweet home." Spending a lot of time away means he always appreciates it, but never more than he does right now. Prentiss heads into the kitchen and he follows her.

"I'm just going to drop my stuff upstairs." Prentiss nods, grabbing some crackers from his nearly empty pantry. He smiles, wondering when they got comfortable enough with each other to do that, and heads down the hall and up the stairs.

Stopping at the top he turns to call back downstairs. "Hey Prentiss, can you–" He's cut off by the prickle of cold metal against his right temple and a rough hand grabbing him. He knows who it is before they even speak.

"Hello, doctor." Reid lets out the air in his lungs.

"You must be Ian Doyle."

XXXXXXXXXXX

He tries to keep as conversational a tone as possible, ignoring the sudden tightness in his chest and pain in his head. He can feel Doyle grinning behind him.

"Right, and now that we're acquainted how about you call out and have the woman who ruined my life come join us."

"No." He's so glad his voice doesn't waiver.

"No?" The gun slams into the side of his head and unable to help it he cries out in pain falling to his knees as his vision swims.

"Reid?" Prentiss's voice reaches him from the kitchen.

"Prentiss!" Panic is making it hard to breathe. He has to get her to go, has to make her leave somehow. "I –you have to go."

"What?" Prentiss's voice echoes from the hallway this time.

Shit, she's coming closer. Doyle shakes him causing a blinding pain in his head.

"Don't you dare," he hisses. Being the genius that he is, Reid of course ignores him.

"You see, Prentiss, the truth is that I don't need or want your help. In fact, if you don't get your ass out of this house right now I'm going to call the police."

"Reid I–" Prentiss appears at the bottom of the stairs and stops short, drawing her gun, when she saw Reid and Doyle.

"Please go, I'll be fine." Reid's voice is quiet. He has to protect her, has to. Doyle laughs behind him and he shivers involuntarily.

"Hello, Emily Prentiss. Feel free to walk out that door but if you do Dr. Reid gets a bullet through the side of his head. Now drop the gun." Reid tries to ignore how his mouth has gone dry.

"Don't do it, walk away."

"Not a chance Reid." His heart seems to drop as Prentiss's gun clatters to the floor.

"That's a girl, now walk up the stairs. If you try anything…" The barrel of the gun digs farther into the side of his head. And Reid bites down on his lip hard enough to draw blood.

"Don't you dare hurt him!" Prentiss takes the stares two at a time and reaches the top in seconds.

"Hello, love." That's the last thing Reid's conscious of before Doyle pistol whips him and it all falls away to darkness.

_"Only a true best friend can protect you from your immortal enemies."―Richelle Mead_

_** Good? Bad? Stay tuned for the next part!**_


	13. Choose

Chapter 13

_Everyday courage has few witnesses. But yours is no less noble because no drum beats for you and no crowds shout your name.-Robert Louis Stevenson_

Reid groans and opens his eyes, momentarily confused by the fact that he's sitting on his bedroom floor, propped up against the bedpost. Also, why in God's name does his head hurt so much?

"Reid, you're awake?" He starts as he realises Prentiss is beside him. He moves to turn toward her and to push himself off the floor in one but is stopped short by the fact that his hands are tied behind his back with rope. More precisely, they're tied to the bed.

_Doyle._ His heart starts to race as everything that happened comes back to him.

"I'm awake are you alright?" He turns his head toward her, shifting his body as much as he can.

"Reid I'm so sorry." The pained expression on her face makes him ache inside.

"It's not your fault. This was Doyle, not you."

"I shouldn't have told you, I shouldn't have put you in danger."

The doorknob turns and Ian Doyle enters the room. Reid feels Prentiss tense beside him and he knows the ropes tying her up are cutting into her as she pulls against them because his are doing the same.

"Let me do the talking." She whispers her voice controlled and even. She turns away from him facing towards Doyle who is standing in front of them watching the exchange with a smirk on his face.

"Oh come on Emily, let the boy talk." There's a moment of silence where no one says anything and then Doyle pulls out a knife. "I said say something."

"Reid!" The same fear that seemed to have locked his tongue unlocks it now.

"My name is Spencer Reid I have three PHDs and I work for the FBI I–"

"That'll do." Doyle stores the knife and turns to Prentiss. "I'm bored Emily. I'm tired of playing our little games, of dancing around one another pretending we both don't know how this is going to end."

"It'll end," Reid cuts in, "With your arrest by the Federal Bureau of Investigations. Everyone's on the case and you can bet they'll make you pay for the detaining of two federal agents." He knows it's a mistake even as the words are coming out of his mouth but he can't make himself stop.

Doyle raises his eyebrows, barely enough for the gesture to be noticeable but somehow it's scarier than the knife he pulled out only moments earlier.

"Dr. Reid, you're lying. The two of you kept my existence entirely secret from the bureau not to mention your teammates. In California working out a rather stubborn case aren't they? Hard to believe what people will pollute our oceans with these days…"

Reid's fists clench involuntarily. "You did this?" Doyle was the one to kill his dad…to kill all the others.

"I did. Oh, and Dr. Reid if they do catch me they'll have a lot more to make me pay for than simple detainment." Reid swallows once, hard, while Doyle turns his focus to Prentiss again. "You shouldn't have told him Emily, shouldn't have brought him into this. He was innocent, it wasn't necessary. What good did it do you? You're still here now you'll both die and it's your fault." Then Doyle's gone, and Reid feels as if he can breathe again.

"Prentiss don't listen to him, he's just trying to–" Prentiss turns to him and Reid can see that his words are useless.

"But Reid, he's right." He sees the shaking in her hands and knows that she's fighting hard for composure. Prentiss, the compartmentalizing queen, is on the verge of losing it. "How could I drag you into this? I'm so sorry." Her voice cracks. "God I'm so sorry. We have to get you out of here I–"

"I'm not going anywhere." A strange calm fills him from some unknown place inside. At the back of his brilliant mind the beginnings of a plan emerge but they're vague, hazy. Only one point is absolutely blindingly clear. He vehemently ignore it. "The team will be here soon, they'll realise we're missing when I don't show up for my appointment tomorrow. Once they know, our houses will be the first place they'll look. They'll fine us in time." A pause. "They have to." He wishes he could believe his own words but the profile directly contradicts them. Doyle planned to have the team distracted, away so that no one would notice their absence. He's planned everything down to the last detail and he's going to finish it his way.

With both of them dead…

"I hope you're right." The uncertainty he's working so hard to hide shows up clear as day in her voice. Prentiss isn't an idiot, her thoughts are probably exactly where his are. Prentiss doesn't turn away but they don't talk anymore either. They just sit hoping, preying. Waiting.

They don't have to wait long. In less than an hour Doyle's back. This time he has Prentiss's gun clasped in his hands and Reid's stomach twists itself into knots.

"I want to finish this, Emily. I want to finish this now. It's time to say goodbye." Prentiss shoots Reid one last look, full of fear and guilt but also resignation, while Doyle aims the gun at her head and cocks it.

Reid's headaches flare, his vision blurs, and all of a sudden it's not Doyle standing in front of him but Tobias. He watches as the sick young man takes on the persona of the arc angel Raphael.

_Choose._ His world swims back into focus. He can just hear Prentiss asking if he's okay but he doesn't bother to answer.

"Doyle." The sharp note in Reid's voice catches his attention. The relief he feels when the gun is no longer pointed at Prentiss's face is so intense he's thrown off for a minute.

"I think you're letting her off too easy. You said it yourself she ruined you life, put you in jail for years. Played you for a sucker and probably never even cared about you. Doesn't she deserve more than a simple, easy death because you don't have time for anything else?" Prentiss's look is a mixture of confusion, hurt, and disbelief.

"Reid what are you–"

"No, let the man continue. Are you actually empathising with me?" He smirks. Reid sends Prentiss a sideways glance that's so quick Doyle misses it willing her to understand.

"My dad is dead because she wasn't strong enough to keep her own damn secrets to herself and I'm here in danger because of that selfish bitch." The words are heavy and they taste so wrong he can barely get them out. Doyle's attention is entirely fixed on him now the gun hanging by his side momentarily forgotten.

"Go on."

"I'm saying what good would killing her do? She deserves so much worse than that."

"Well it's not ideal, but considering my limited time frame it's a hell of a good start." He trains his gun back on Prentiss. Reid has to force himself to stay calm so he can get the next words out, the most important ones.

"But Doyle don't you see, you're wrong." He looks as if he might shoot Reid right there but instead his body turns in Reid's direction just slightly and Reid launches in. "Don't you see? You told Prentiss you would take the only that that matters to her-her life-but you were wrong, see, that isn't all she cares about. In fact what she cares about most isn't herself at all it's her team-it's me."

"Reid stop!" He ignores her as if she hasn't even spoken. The grin on Doyle's face widens in understanding.

"So let me see if I have this right, Dr. Reid. You're saying if you were me you would dispose of yourself first and then move on to her?"

"Not at all." He fights to keep his breathing steady. "I'm saying that if I were you I would make her watch as I filled each of her teammates full of lead, starting with me. Then I'd let her live out her days so that in each and every one of them she'd know why we died. Know it was her fault. She'd probably be driven to madness or suicide, maybe both, it doesn't matter really. Suicide is as final as that gun in your hand, and know that you pulled the invisible trigger. And madness?" He laughs humourlessly. "Well I know a little something about that and I'm telling you death in that case is a blessing. Either way isn't it so much better to have the unbreakable Emily Prentiss destroy herself?"

"So much more poetic…"

"Don't be an idiot Doyle. It's me you want, what does he even matter? We both know this is between you and I, let the kid leave."

"You're only p roving my point." Reid's icy, collected voice holds ten times the power of her pleading one. He ensures his eyes meet Doyle's and stares his down. "She won't even plead for her own life, but she'll plead for mine." He watches the subtle physical changes in Doyle as he says this and knows he has him. In the back of his mind he hears something he told Hotch so long ago and smiles sadly. _I do some of my best work under intense terror. _

"And how do you suggest we best go about the grisly matter?"

"Well," he has to fight to keep his voice stable. "You've already established that there isn't much time. The gun's quickest and easiest. Not a shot anywhere immediately lethal-you'll want her to watch me suffer."

"Reid are you fucking crazy?" She's screaming at him now, struggling to get free.

"Oh and Doyle," he adds as the man raises Prentiss's gun. "You'll want t stay till I've bled out of course, till the very end." The gun waivers in the man's hand.

"And why is that?" Reid shrugs his shoulders.

"I would think it'd be obvious. So I'm not a problem to deal with later, come back from the dead like Em over here." He doesn't even have to see her to know that her fists are clenched. To know that she isn't done fighting. "Doyle do it." He says quietly his voice drowning out her pleas.

"You're a crazy son of a bitch doctor."

He takes one of Hotch's shining moments and tweaks it. "How do you think I understand you?"

"You know, under different circumstances we could have become friends, allies." Doyle adds.

"No, we couldn't have."

Doyle shrugs. "Fair enough." He readjusts his aim and Reid closes his eyes. He hears the safety being removed and then Doyle fires releasing a torrent of pain as the bullet rips into his stomach. Fire races from the bullet wound enveloping all he sees in a kind of haze. He groans loudly but manages to fight the scream making its way up from inside him. "How about another?" He fires at Reid's outstretched right leg shattering his kneecap and this time he can't fight down the howl escaping his lips. Instead he lets it come. His world spins and fads to blessed all-knowing darkness and the last thing he's conscious of is Prentiss screaming, but he can't figure out if it's at himself or at Doyle.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Prentiss isn't aware of the fact that her wrists are bleeding or the fact that Doyle is still holding the gun. She's only aware of Reid's mangled, unconscious body next to hers, the growing amount of blood pooling around it, and vaguely the fact that she's screaming.

"Son of a bitch you fucking son of a bitch I'll kill you, you hear me I'll fucking kill you!" Doyle ignores her, walking slowly behind her and out of sight.

"How does it feel to have something you care about taken away from you?" He asks the question slowly, without malice, then cuts the ropes tying her up. "This is just the beginning." Before she can react the butt of her own gun smashes into her face and she joins Reid in the realm of the unconscious.

XXXXXXXXXXX

When she wakes there's no way of telling how much time has passed. She lunges for the door but finding it locked falls back down next to Reid's limp body. She presses her ear to his chest, listening desperately for a heartbeat. A jolt of adrenaline jackknifes through her when for a moment she doesn't think she can find one but then there it is. Faint but definitely there. A regular thump, thump, thump growing ever lighter. She quickly pulls her sweater off herself to curb the bleeding in his stomach. Instinctively thouh, she knows there's next to nothing she can do without at least a first aid kit. The blood's coming so fast, he's lost so much of it already.

"Why, Reid, why?"

"Because." The word comes slowly, with difficulty. She sits up sharply, looking into Reid's open eyes. "It's not your time yet."

"Damnit Reid!" She's on her feet pacing back and forth. "You're 29 years old! It's not your time either!" She stops in front of him watching as a small smile finds its way to his face. That smile scares her so much that it takes her breath away. She has to listen because she can't speak.

"Don't you see ? Can't you understand that it is my time? That it's well past my time? My time was Tobias Hankel but I was brought back. I got so much extra time with the team, with you, and I'm so grateful. I'll miss you."

Prentiss's ears are ringing loudly. "You have to keep holding on. The team will be here soon, we'll get you to a hospital we'll–" His face has a lucid look about it now which stops her mid sentence.

"I'm going on a journey Emily. I'm going on a journey and you can't follow me where I'm going-not yet-promise?"

"Reid don't, stop!" The last word jolts him back into reality.

"Sit with me Em? Please, I'm so cold." And he seems in that moment so much like a child, like Declan who she did all this for to start, that it takes all her strength to walk over to him, sit down in the blood, and hold his frail body tight in her arms, his head resting on her shoulder. The action seems to force him to notice something for the first time.

"It's bad this time, isn't it?"

She nods, unable to lie to him.

"There's a video camera upstairs, I want the team to-I want you to show them the recording."

"You'll be able to show them yourself pretty boy you'll see." He nods but she knows he doesn't believe it. They sit in silence like that for a few minutes and Reid's face turns a shade paler. The sweater wrapped around his middle is soaked with blood all the way through now.

"Where are they?" She doesn't mean to say it out loud but she does and Reid forces his eyes open and half mumbles what he says next even as he closes them again.

"Em, the only one I need here with me is you."

_ "Do not save your loving speeches for your friends till they are dead. Do not write them on their tombstones, speak them rather now instead."-unknown_

_** Let me know what you think =) even if you want to destroy me right now for picking on poor Reid!**_


	14. strength

_**Wow, I deserve to be shot for leaving this where I did…all I can say is that I'm sorry and that if you've stuck with me this long you know how real life intercedes and because of it how inconsistent I can be. Saying I'm sorry though just isn't enough so I'm actually going to do something this time around. To ensure posts are regular and don't stop for months at a time I'm going to make sure I'm always at least a couple chapters ahead of what I post so I have some wiggle room. This shouldn't effect this fic all that much because it's coming to a close pretty soon (finally right, I swear you can't find a fic this length that took longer to write…) but if you were ready to give up on me then please don't. To all those who haven't yet been frustrated to death by me thanks and here comes another chapter =).**_

Chapter 14

_Self-acceptance comes from meeting life's challenges vigorously. Don't numb yourself to your trials and difficulties, nor build mental walls to exclude pain from your life. You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory. - J. Donald Walters _

Somewhere under the fear and pain it registers that Emily will have to do something. She can't just sit there holding him, not if Reid's going to live. She doesn't want to leave him but she has the beginnings of an idea.

She has to at least try…

Gently laying Reid on the ground she pulls his bedside table drawer open, careful to stay as quiet as possible. The locks in his room are the type you can open from both sides if you have a key so maybe…

There! The pin gleams from inside the drawer and she grabs it. Reid's better at this stuff, but if she can get it to twist just right…

The lock clicks and they're free.

Well, except for the homicidal revenge filled maniac she used to love waiting downstairs. She glances back at Reid and feels renewed rage. He'd did this to protect her and now he needs her help.

She can handle Doyle.

That last thing she does before she tiptoes downstairs is to grab the extra gun she knows Reid always stores in a shoe box under his bed.

She can hear Doyle talking on the phone in the kitchen. Readying the gun she takes a few steps closer.

"…I don't care! Just do it!" Doyle hangs up Reid's phone with a slam and a curse and Prentis takes a deep breath before appearing in the doorway and aiming her gun at Doyle's head.

"Lackey troubles?" Doyle whirls around and grabs the knife beside him but Prentiss just raises an eyebrow. "You made a mistake, you shouldn't have left me untied."

Doyle snarls. "You always were resourseful, Lauren." He lunges toward her and Emily squeezes the trigger sending a bullet through his skull. Doyle crumples to Reid's floor, dead before he hits the tile. Emily drops the gun and stands over him.

"I'm not Lauren." She kicks the knife away from his hand just in case then grabs for the phone he'd been holding and dials 911.

After that she dials Hotch who picks up on the first ring.

"Emily we haven't had any luck here, is everthing alright?" She choks back a sob, the sound of a teammates voice nearly breaking her. Somehow she gets the whole thing out of her mouth for Hotch to hear. For the first couple moments there's only silence. Then Hotch clears his throat and Emily knows he was trying to compartmentalize it all, just like her.

"We're getting straight on the plane I don't care what Strauss says or doesn't say. Keep us updated, we'll meet you at the hospital."

After that the phone goes dead and Emily runs back upstairs.

By the time she manages to get an unconscious Reid downstairs the perimedics are already there. She vaguely notes the three men who pry him from her grasp and get him into the ambulance.

"You're Emily?" They're nearly finished strapping him in before they even ask. She nods.

"Can I ride with you?" The man takes in her desperate expression and nods.

"Just don't get in our way."

"Of course." They jump into the back as one, he shuts the doors and the ambulance reels away sirens screaming. She holds Reid's hand the whole way.

Reid flatlines on the way to the hospital.

Twice.

They bring him back.

Twice.

Reid's a fighter.

The first responder who asked her name shoots Emily a sympathetic look as they pull in.

"I'm sorry, you'll have to go to the waiting area. We'll bring you news as soon as we can." She nods and watches as they wheel her friend away shouting numbers as they go.

XXX

She still hasn't heard anything when the team arrives an hour later. Hotch has to wave his hand in front of her face twice before she notices them.

"Hey…" Her voice sounds wrong, too soft and far away which was exactly where she is.

"Any news?"

"Not yet." Hotch seemes to see in that moment the exhaustion, the blood.

"You should get a change of clothes, something to eat." She shakes her head cutting him off.

"I can't Hotch, not until I know he's okay."

Hotch doesn't argue, his eyes say he understands. Garcia makes her way over and takes Prentiss in her arms enveloping her in a tight hug. The normally bright tech-goddes's eyes are watery but her voice is steady as she whispers in her ear.

"It's alright, It's okay." Garcia pats the back of her head and Prentiss finally breaks down, sobbing into her shoulder.

"It's all my fault."

"It's not, don't think that."

It's in that moment that the doctor appears.

"Spencer Reid?"

All the teammates turn as one. Hotch answers.

"How is he?"

Prentiss suddenly finds she can't breathe. Then the doctor smiles. and she finds she can again.

"He lost a lot of blood but we managed to repare most of the damage and to stabilise him. He should be alright but you're going to have to wait until the morning to see him, he's still very weak."

Prentiss feels relief so strong it makes her dizzy. A shaky smile spreads across Garcia's face beside her and she feels Hotch let out a breath.

"Thank you."

XXX

It's Emily sitting in the only chair in Reid's hospital room when visiting hours start the next morning. They had only been allowed in one at a time while he was unconscious, and there hadn't been any question as to who got to see him first. Watching all the tubes and machines attached to Reid makes her feel sick. He's so pale that if it wasn't for the steady beep of the heart monitor he might have been dead.

How could she have put him in danger like this?

Reid groans and opened his eyes. She's the first thing he sees.

"Emily?" His voice is so weak and raspy. It tugs at her heartstrings and makes the guilt run wild. This is all her fault, he was already going through so much and then she only put him through more. It's her who should be lying in that bed having come face to face, again, with death. He should have been sitting in the chair.

"Hey Reid. How ya feeling?"

A wry smile crosses his face.

"Like I got shot and nearly bled to death. I'll try not to make it a regular occurrence; it's not quite as fun as I thought." He wipes the smile off his face when he sees her serious expression.

"You shouldn't have done that Reid." He tries to sit up and winces in pain abandoning the idea.

"Couldn't let anything happen to you Em." His eyes find hers and won't let go. "You're worth too much to the team, to me."

"God Reid, for a genius you really can be an idiot. You have no idea how important you are to us do you?" She takes his hand. "Promise me you won't do something this stupid ever again?"

He nods. "I'll…I'll try."

"Try?" Prentiss raises an eyebrow. Reid shrugs.

"You won't get any better than that."

"Oh my God." Distinctly familiar squeals sound from the doorway. "He's awake and you're hogging him all to yourself. That's a sin, Prentiss."

The smile that finds its way onto Reid's face seemed to light up the world.

"Hey Garcia!"

"Hang on sweetpea." Garcia disappears from the doorway and reappears with Hotch, Morgan, Rossi and JJ in tow. They all crowd around Reid and for a moment there's silence. Morgan breaks it.

"I think he just likes the attention." Morgan ruffles his hair.

Reid's look of mortified confusion has JJ and Prentiss giggling.

"What?"

JJ pipes in. "Hey Spence, I'll give you a hug if you promise not to make these hospital visits a habit."

Reid starts to turn red as she squeezes her arms around him. She pulls back and Rossi puts a hand on his shoulder.

"You gave us a scare, how're you feeling?" The smiles fall off faces and the atmosphere shifts. They shouldn't be laughing or joking around, Reid nearly died. They're just so happy he' s okay. Reid looks like he wanted to hide and won't meet their eyes.

"I'm alright, it doesn't hurt that bad." Prentiss can see he's lying and suddenly feels angry. Reid should be able to be comfortable but he can't even have that. She knows he'll refuse any narcotics, and those are the only painkillers that do anything with injuries like his. Reid yawns and Prentiss can see that staying awake has already taken its toll on him.

Hotch can see it too. He takes a step forward.

"If you're tired we can go, you should be resting."

Reid smiles, and Prentiss is sure that smile has all powerful abilities to make everything right.

"Can you stay? I don't want you guys to go."

Morgan nods and sits down on the end of Reid's bed. "Of course kid."

_Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create). It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival. - C.S. Lewis_

_**Hey guys =). We still have a couple of things to deal with (mainly Reid's tumour) so expect another chapter or two but as I mentioned before this fic is nearly done. Let me know what you think! I feel like Reid needs some happiness, he doesn't get enough of it.**_

_**Wow…am I going soft? **_

_**Somebody slap me, I do not do soft…**_


	15. fin

Chapter 15

_** Hey **_**gu**_**ys! So this is…yes I'm going to say it…the last chapter of Confidant. I want to thank everyone who has read, reviewed, alerted. You are amazing and the reason that I love to write so much. I don't know if a new story **_**will be coming soon. **

_Life is not so much about beginnings and endings as it is about going on and on and on. It is about muddling through the middle. – Anna Quindlen_

It had only been a couple of days since Reid had left the hospital and already he was back.

At least this time though it was expected.

Prentiss's sweating palm in his meant Reid could tell she was as worried as he was. Today was the day. The doctors had talked to him, run their tests while he was still in the hospital. They'd wanted to wait longer, until he was fully recovered, for his surgery but their hand had been forced.

The tumor was already on the edge of being too big, it was now or never.

He realised as the two of them walked up the front steps that he was truly starting to hate hospitals and all the time he was spending in them. The white walls, the quiet, and the smell of antibacterial that couldn't quite block out the stench of the dying.

They stopped in front of a door like any of the others and he felt Prentiss squeeze his hand. For some reason, this made his heart race instead of calming him. "You ready?"

Reid took a deep breath and nodded. They pushed the door open and stepped in together.

"Dr. Reid." A man in his mid-fifties greeted them, his hair had a silvery tint to it but it was still very much black and he was dressed in scrubs. "How are you feeling?"

Reid smiled shakily. He liked this man, that's why he'd trusted his brain to him, but that didn't mean this was going to be easy.

He wished he could wipe the worry off Emily's face…

"I guess I'm ready as I'll ever be." He gestured to Prentiss. "This is Emily Prentiss, she's a friend and colleague. Emily, Dr. Martineau, he'll be the primary surgeon." The man smiled warmly and shook her hand.

"Shall we get started then? I'm going to send you to surgery so we can put you under."

XXXXXXXXXX

Reid could feel the tension leaving him as from behind his closed eyes he heard a voice count down from ten.

"Nine." Soon, one way or another, this would all be over. "Eight." He could go back to the days before the headaches, before Doyle, when everything had made sense. "Seven." He could go home and stay there. He'd have to stay a couple of days and then come for checkups, but that wouldn`t be so bad. "Six." He could get back to his job, to focusing on the victims who needed him and putting away the people who had hurt them. "Five." The constant pain would be gone. "Four." He'd be able to look at his team without wondering how much time he had left with them. "Three." He'd have to thank them for always being there. "Two." He'd write to his mother. "One." He'd tell Prentiss how much she meant to him, how much her constant support helped. She was still staying at his house, and she had brought him today. Maybe, just maybe, he'd even admit that he was starting to think that he loved her.

The world faded to nothing, and he was out.

XXXXXXXXXX

Prentiss had not stopped pacing since Reid had been taken out of her sight. She refused to believe that he'd be anything but alright, but she still couldn't help the thoughts running rampant through her mind.

What if something went wrong? What if he never woke up?

She shook her head violently. No, Reid would be fine. After everything that had happened, all that he'd been through, he had to be. She would just have to wait, to be patient. She sat down on a couch and crossed her legs then uncrossed them and stood up again.

She should get something to drink, it was going to be a while yet and at least it would distract her. She headed for the door wishing the others were there. She knew they wanted to be, Morgan had nearly thrown a fit, but they had a new case and there were people who needed their help.

She made her way to the Starbucks across the street and waited at the end of the line, her mind back at the hospital.

She'd stayed with Reid because she'd felt like he needed her help, her support, and she'd been right but it had turned into something more than that. Staying at Reid's house, waking up there and eating there and even cooking dinner together while they laughed had felt _right._ She knew he was younger than her but that didn't seem as obvious as it once had. Somewhere along the way, through all his trials and years with the BAU, Reid had grown up.

She knew that things would be different between them after this. She just had to decide if she wanted to risk everything, risk their friendship and the easiness they had with f other, in order to maybe find something more.

What if he didn't feel the same way she did? Did she even know how she felt? These feelings were still in the process of being sorted out and none of it made any sense yet. All she knew was what her heart was telling her.

This could be a huge, huge mistake…

But if felt right…

She grabbed her coffee when the woman behind the counter said her name but it no longer

held any appeal. She headed back to the hospital, fairly sure she was going to let it grow cold without taking a sip.

XXXXXXXXXX

Prentiss was assaulted with a serious case of déjà vu when one of the surgeons, still in scrubs, walked over tapping her on the arm.

How many times was she going to have to rely on hospital personnel to tell her if Reid was alright?

"Are you Emily Prentiss?" She nodded quickly feeling her chest tighten.

"Martineau sent me to tell you the surgery's finished. Everything went according to plan and Dr. Reid should be fine though we wanted to make sure he didn't wake up during the surgery so he's still out cold."

Emily felt relief flood through her. All of a sudden she wanted to hug the man standing in front of her. "When can I see him?" He smiled.

"As soon as he wakes up, which should be soon."

XXXXXXXXXX

Prentiss smiled as she pulled into the hospital parking lot. Today was a happy day, today she`d get to bring Reid home. The rest of the team was waiting at his apartment, massive homemade cake (courtesy of Garcia) and hugs galore at the ready.

Reid would be so glad to see them.

She met him in his hospital room, and could tell by his constant fidgeting that he was more than ready to leave. The team had just gotten back from the case they`d been working, so he hadn`t had a chance to see them, but Prentiss had come by every day and she`d brought with him books and movies and anything else she could think of.

It wasn`t enough. Reid had never been good at sitting still, it came with the genius IQ.

She smiled at him and he smiled back, pushing himself to his feet and grabbing his satchel.

"Can we go now?" Prentiss had to bite her lip to keep from laughing.

"Little anxious?"

"Bored. Did you know that when pathways in the brain aren't used regularly they disappear?" Prentiss held her hands up in mock submission.

"We'd better get you out of here then we can't have that now can we?" He grinned at her, one that reached his eyes, and it made her heart flutter. Not for the first time she was aware of just how _aware_ she was of him. Not for the first time she wanted to tell him how she felt.

Not for the first time she kept her feelings to herself, not wanting to ruin the moment.

Once he'd been discharged Reid offered to drive but Prentiss wouldn't hear of it. They sat in companionable silence as she weaved through evening traffic. It didn't take long to make it to his apartment. She handed him the keys, knowing that the team would be ready from her bathroom escape before they left the hospital, and shivered in anticipation.

They stepped in, he flicked the lights on, and the team jumped up rushing them. The group hug that ensued made her heart warm but not as much as the genuine smile on Reid's face. As they shut the door and made their way inside Reid's eyes found hers over the others. The thank you he mouthed, and the way his arm found her waist, made her think that maybe, just maybe, he might feel the same way she did.

The best part was they had all the time in the world to figure it out.

_A hard beginning maketh a good ending. –John Heywood_

_** That's it folks =). Thank **_**you for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought! **


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